If you're here you can see that my name is Joshua Claytor. Most of you already know me, and I wanted to thank you for coming and visiting my project. I've always had issues with my weight, it fluctuates greatly, and my confidence and self worth are tied to that. When I weigh 200 pounds, I am a world beater. Filled with confidence and energy. Getting things done. When I'm at my current weight of 296, I am beaten by the world. I hate myself. I hate that look like a ball and not a person. I hate that I have moobs that should probably be supported by a rather strong bra. Most of all I hate the pain that I have in my right abdomen whenever I am super fat. Right now, that pain is unbearable at times, and makes me feel sick to my stomach. It has gotten so bad that I would get panic attacks while driving because I thought I was going to vomit. I've stopped traveling to events. I've lost my big boy job. I have stopped seeing my friends, and that hurts because I love my friends. I should have been around to celebrate Susan's birthday, or Nate's purchase of LegitMTG. I should have been able to be best man at my brother's wedding, but instead I sat in the back stomach churning, side hurting, looking for comfort so I could out of there as soon as possible before I made a fool of myself.
Two years ago, I was in a stellar relationship. I was happy, I was out of pain, I was down to a manageable weight, and then I got scared and left her. I'm suddenly eating to dull my pain, and ballooning in size.
Three years ago I was married, was kinda happy, did not communicate and had gotten huge. I had a ton of pain, rarely left the house and when I did it was an uncomfortable drive. We thought losing my gallbladder would fix it, and it kinda did for a while at least.
Then she left, said one of the reasons was I was no longer attractive to her. That was not the only reason, we stopped communicating, we fought silently. I lost weight again, and the pain stopped.
This newest cycle, tons of pain, thinking I am going to vomit, is the 4th time it's happened, and each time I can tie it to me being severely overweight. This time though, it was the worst. Getting sick while walking, being in so much pain I could barely move, taking tons of anti emitics while my son was here and sleeping away his visits.
It ends now.
I have the best 6 year old on the planet.
I have the greatest friends on the planet.
I have the greatest job I have ever had.
I have 100 extra pounds of weight on me that makes me feel like a worthless human being, unable to catch the attention of any woman.
I have terrible cholesterol levels.
I have a fatty liver, and that's what is causing my problems.
There is no cure for a fatty liver. It of course can be reversed with slow gradual weight loss. If it does not reverse, it slowly turns into cirrhosis. That means I need a transplant. I'm 33 years old and I am much to young to need a transplant for anything. I can not keep up with my son when we go out and play. Everything hurts, and I can blame that on being fat.
When I am at a correct weight the pain goes away, the digestive issues go away, and I can keep up with my boy. I can travel, I can be confident.
So here is my plan. My current weight is 296. I've lost 4 pounds in the two weeks since I have been diagnosed with a fatty liver.
1. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Be it a short walk around my block or sit ups or Wii Fit, I need to get up off my butt and do something.
2. Remove all sugary drinks from my diet. I've all but stopped drinking soda already, but I have been drinking lipton teas and snapple punches. In fact the Lipton Brisk I have in front of me is a liter. I've been drinking it all day long. There were more calories in the liter of Lipton than what I have eaten today in meals. 280 calories. 76 grams of sugar. That's unneeded and complicates my digestive track. More water, less crap.
3. Stop eating ice cream whenever I can just because I want ice cream or something else sweet. I have replaced my ice cream with sorbets. They are lower in sugars, lower in fat (generally have none) and lower in calories. I've also started to freeze bananas and make ice cream out of that and peanut butter.
4. Change my diet. I eat a whole pizza every other week when my son is here. Its full of fat and is not doing anything to help me. In fact when I am at my healthiest, I am eating a plant based diet. I'm going back to that. There is little fat in a plant based diet, and my liver needs to heal. It's also really tasty!
So this blog is going to show off what I am doing in an effort to heal myself. In a years time, I should have lost 100 pounds. That will put me at 196. My goal for this is 220. That was my weight when I got married and when I was with Brittany. I do not want to balloon back up when I am done. I want to travel I want to play magic with my friends. I want to cuddle with girls again. I want to do the color run, because it looks fun.
This blog will show off the recipes that I use. They will be 100% animal free. I will keep track of my weight, and my blood work numbers here. I believe that I can be pain free again. I believe that I can get my cholesterol in check and under the high risk for heart attack numbers (I believe in the China Study, google it)
For once, I believe in me, and with work, discipline, and luck, I can make myself into the person that I want to be.
Also I need to not ignore my duties as a student, a father and as an employee of PureMTGO.com. I'm scheduling my time out to make sure I have time for that, and time for me.
In fact a MTGO tournament is about to start. Wish me luck!
Joshua Claytor
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